Wednesday, September 30, 2015

She's Very Very Angry

Next Swims: Tonight Wed Sept 30th, 5:30PM
Thursday and Friday at 6AM
Saturday Oct 2nd at noon, followed by "Krufest", a season ending celebration at Kahuna's, details, stay tuned for details

Last Swim: Tuesday Sept 29th 5:30PM
Water Temp: 59
Waves:  4-5 feet, very rough and irregular, strong current too
Water Clarity: None
Crew: Itch, Gumdrop, Diablo, Kahuna, Nanook, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 3/3
Pitsch: 6

Just a couple days ago we were remarking that we haven't seen any really big waves this season.  Well that's been fixed.  Yesterday's waves were perhaps not the biggest I've ever seen, but certainly some of the roughest.  It was impossible to stand in the surf and I got knocked down several times before giving up.  The others got further but everyone took a pretty good beating.

This morning the conditions were the same, but it was cold and dark too, so we decided not to swim this morning, but try again this afternoon at 5:30.  Gusty northeast winds are expected all day, so the waves may build even more.  Today will be our hundredth consecutive day, if the lake monsters don't get us.

Speaking of monsters, look out for this one.  She's a real bad guy.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015


Next Swims: Today Tuesday 9/29 at 5:30PM
Wed - Fri, Sept. 30th - Oct 2nd, 6AM each morning
Also:  Saturday October 3rd, following a noon swim we will gather at Kahuna's for a season ending "Krufest" celebration.  Details to come.

What was I thinking?  I should know better than to take her for granted.  In yesterday's blog I wrote "it ain't over" and "Wednesday will be our hundredth consecutive day".  "Not so fast", she said, "you have to prove yourselves worthy".

This morning's cold hard rain prevented us from swimming.  So we'll try again at 5:30 PM.  But it won't be easy.  The rain should be gone, but large waves are predicted.  We provoked her anger and now we will pay.

Monday, September 28, 2015

It Ain't Over

Next Swims:  Tue - Fri, Sept. 29th - Oct 2nd, 6AM each morning
Note:  Wednesday's swim will be the hundredth consecutive day we've swum!  (Thanks mostly to Diablo and Itch who kept the streak going despite some really cold days).
Also:  Saturday October 3rd, following a noon swim we will gather at Kahuna's for a season ending "Krufest" celebration.  Details forthcoming.

Last Swims:
Monday Sept. 28th 6AM
Water Temp: 59
Waves: Calm
Water Clarity: Excellent
Crew: Capt'n, Crash, Diablo, Kahuna, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 3/2

Super Moon Eclipse Swim: Sunday Sept 27th 6:30PM
Water Temp: 60
Waves: Choppy
Water Clarity: OK
Crew: Capt'n, Showgirl, Crash, Diana, Rosa, North Shore Nancy, mark, Panini, Mr Anonymous, Gumdrop, Patriarch, and joining us afterwards to enjoy the eclipse from the Biergarten, McTwist, Tiny Mother, Kahuna (and the woman Kahuna brought who shall be nameless so as not put Kahuna in a squeeze and promote domestic violence).
Wetsuit/Skin: 6/5

Sunday noon:
Water Temp: 62
Waves: Choppy & Sloppy
Crew: Capt'n, Diablo, Itch, Showgirl, Crash, Scarface, Adam, North Shore Nancy, Mark, Mr. Anonymous
Wetsuit/Skin: 6/4

The season is growing late, but still great swimming to be had.  It's so good that Capt'n swam three times in eighteen hours, spanning high noon, sunset, moonrise, and sunrise!  And if the swimming itself wasn't good enough we enjoyed a spectacular "Super Moon Rise" followed by an amazing view of the Lunar Eclipse at the Biergarten.  Magic moments.

I found a funny story in an old Milwaukee Journal article.  It wasn't meant to be funny, but I think it's hilarious.  First a bit of background.  There used to be a large artificial "rock" off Bradford Beach that was the old water intake. Back in my day some nameless hippy spray painted the word "love" on it:
It's been said that it was a popular place to swim to climb on and smoke dope.  Anyhow for many years people would swim out there and sometimes it did not go well:,3619616&hl=en

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Super Moon Eclipse Sunday

Next Swims: Sunday September 27th @ noon
Super Moon Eclipse Swim Sunday September 27th @ 6:30pm
   Full Moon Rise 7:11pm
   After the swim and moonrise we can watch the eclipse at the Biergarden
   Partial umbral eclipse begins: 8:07 p.m. CDT on September 27
   Total eclipse begins: 9:11 p.m. CDT
   Greatest eclipse: 9:47 p.m. CDT
Coming attraction:  Next Saturday we'll have "Krufest" - a season ending celebration at Kahuna's, details forthcoming

Last Swim: Saturday September 26th noon
Water Temp:  61 at the shore but warmer further out
Waves: 1-2 rollers, with the occasional 3 footer just for fun
Water Clarity:  Poor - all stirred up
Crew: Crash, Showgirl, North Shore Nancy, Mark, Diablo, Gumdrop, Capt'n, Nivens McTwist, Panini, Itch, Kahuna, Brian, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 8/5
Pitsch: 20 (yes, some people did 2)

I'm back! Unfortunately in my absence the celebrity guest-bloggers decided to turn this blog into a sex advice column.  Which is sorta like my plumber offering investment advice, or my car mechanic doing brain surgery.  How can you comment on sex, even bad sex, if you have no sex?

Friday, September 25, 2015

BSM #6

Next Swims:
   Saturday September 26th @ noon
   Sunday September 27th @ noon
   Super Moon Swim Sunday September 27th @ 6:30pm (Full Moon Rise 7:11pm)

Last Swim:
   Friday September 25th @ 6am
      Water Temp:  58+
      Air Temp:  60 & mostly clear skies
      Waves: 1-2ft rollers turning into light to moderate chop
      Clarity: stirred up near shore / cloudy further out
      Crew:  Diablo, Kahuna, Showgirl, Itch, Scarface, Mark, Adam, Capt'n with special guest appearance by Crash
      Skin / Suit:  3.5 / 4.5

A nearly cloudless sky with a smattering of clouds on the horizon made for yet another spectacular sunrise swim.  Adding to the pleasant experience was the water temp which ranged on the plus side of 58 (as measured by the Macho-meter) to 61 (as measured by the Itch-o-meter).

This Sunday evening the Super Moon will rise at 7:11 with a lunar eclipse occurring 2 hours later.  The last time this happened was 1982.  For those unfamiliar with a Super Moon it's a full moon rise when the moon is at it's closest orbit to the earth.  I've even read articles that indicate that the moon will appear 17% larger for a Super Moon than a regular full moon.  Anyone interested in an evening swim Sunday as the Super Moon rises?

Now on to today's featured blog entry...Bad Sex Move #6:


…The views expressed by the authors on this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog, those who link to this blog, the author’s mother, father, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, grandparents, cousins, step relations, any other blood relative and the author himself, this website’s web host…

Comments on this blog are the sole responsibility of their writers and the writer will take full responsibility, liability, and blame for any libel or litigation that results from something written in or as a direct result of something written in a comment. The accuracy, completeness, veracity, honesty, exactitude, factuality and politeness of comments are not guaranteed.

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…This blog may inadvertently link to content that is obscene, prurient, useless, hate-filled, poisonous, pornographic, frivolous, empty, rotten, bad, disgusting, hostile, repulsive, virulent, infectious…This blog in no way condones, endorses or takes responsibility for such content.


The next time you're lucky enough to be in the bedroom with a partner pretend there's another participant in the room with you and be sure to give equal attention to both partners.  A related bad sex move is to admit to your partner that the reason you're so talented at pretending there's another partner in the room with you is because you practice frequently.  

BSM #7

Blog Post for Thursday, September 24, 2015 (compliments of Kahuna)

BSM #7:
   Him: "Pardon me miss, do you have the time?"
   Her: "For what?"

Next Swims:
Friday September 25 @ 6am.
Saturday September 26 TBA (noon and then an end of the season trip to the Hubbard Park Beer Garden for Barktoberfest? Or 7 pm to see the Super Moon, then off to Lisa's or CPK or some such place thereafter?)

Last Swim:
Thursday September 24th @ 6am
Water Temp: 57
Air Temp: 60 & Mostly Clear Skies, Visually Interesting Sunrise
Waves: 1 ft. rollers
Clarity: Crystal
Crew: Diablo, Itch, McTwist, Panini, support on the beach Crash
Skin / Suit: 2.5/2.5

You can tell the season is getting later:
As they stroke along through the water, swimmers are hitting golden leaves that have fallen off the trees.
We are almost making it back to the beach, before the sun breaks over the horizon.
None of the official bloggers show up to blog.
But the Patriarch is scheduled to return on Saturday, our long national nightmare will soon be over, that's as good a reason as any to celebrate. Please see the above re potential times for a swim and a celebration on Saturday. Post your preferences or suggestions

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

#8: Rolling Both Ways

Next Swims:
   Thursday & Friday September 24 & 25 @ 6am

Last Swim:
   Wednesday September 23rd @ 6am
      Water Temp: 55
      Air Temp:  56 & Clear Skies
      Waves:  flat
      Clarity: Crystal
      Crew:  Diablo, Kahuna, Showgirl, Nanook, Itch, Mark, Capt'n
      Skin / Suit:  3/4

Another absolutely picture perfect morning for a swim!  I've heard rumblings that more pictures are desired in this's one Kahuna took Saturday of North Shore Nancy on our way down to the beach:


This posting does not represent in any way the policies, positions or opinions of myself, my employer, my wife [I don't have one], my children [I don't have any....that I know of], my brother, my sister, my Tinder connections [I don't have any yet], my lawyers,..., or anybody else. Remember, To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.  You don't have to read this, it's only a standard disclaimer.Trust me. I'm almost a doctor.  Wenn ich immer wuesste, was ich tue, waere das nur das halbe Vergnuegen

Bad Sex Move #8 - Rolling both ways

On the surface this move may sound like a great way to add a little spice to your next sexual encounter but this is definitely a topic you should take care when announcing to your partner.  Careful planning and advance notice before any such move are certainly recommended if you do attempt this move.  Sudden rolls in either direction due to discomfort (...such as when when you're lying on bed surface covered with crumbs...which may have resulted from an unrelated bad sex move...) can interrupt the rhythm of your partner and put you both in an uncomfortable position.  If taken too far this move can even result in great bodily harm if you happen roll off the bed. (...such as when attempting a 360 roll in either direction...)

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Bad Sex Tip #9: Sex on the Beach

Next Swims: Wednesday thru Friday 9/23 - 9/25 @ 6am

Last Swim:
Tuesday September 22 @ 6am
       Water Temp:  54
       Air Temp: no idea
       Waves: almost none
       Clarity:  amazing, crystal clear
       Crew: Diablo, Showgirl, Panini, Kahuna
       Skin / Suit:  1 /3

Swimming nostalgia is running high these days, and this was a perfect day for it.  The streak continues, but the days are dwindling.  The water was a comfy 54, with no waves, and the clarity was amazing.  The sunrise was spectacular, with an orange glow spanning the entire horizon.

As the mornings get darker, there are fewer and fewer people at the lake.  This morning, there wasn't a single person or dog on the beach all the way to mudslide.  Which leads me to Bad Sex Tip #9-- the beach is deserted, so why not grab your squeeze and head over there for some sunrise action?  The only spectators will be.... the Klode Krew.

Big thanks to Kahuna for his pre-emptive post today (I'm side-stepping the lack of faith, confidence, and trust in my blogging abilities that his post suggests), AND thank you for the fantastic can of IPA he miraculously produced for me on the bike path yesterday!

Monday, September 21, 2015

Counting down to #10...

Next Swims:
   Tuesday thru Friday 9/22 - 9/25 @ 6am

Last Swim:
   Monday September 21 @ 6am
      Water Temp:  55
      Air Temp: 50
      Waves: slow rollers < 1ft
      Clarity:  foggy to clear
      Crew: Diablo, Showgirl, Panini, Capt'n with special guest appearance by Crash
      Skin / Suit:  1 /3

A cool but beautiful morning for a swim...sadly it's getting to be that time of the year when the water is warmer than the air temp.  For those who braved the cooler air temps this morning were treated to a spectacular crimson sunrise under mostly clear blue skies.


The remainder of this blog entry is meant for educational purposes only. Send no money now as this is not an offer to sell securities. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if you're healthy enough to engage in bad sex. To prevent electric shock, do not open back panel of any sex accessory as no user serviceable parts can be found inside a sex toy. If you do open the back panel be sure to align all parts carefully, then bond before use.  Keep all lubricants away from open flame or spark and remember to apply only to affected area and use only in well-ventilated areas. Use of sex accessories may or may not be subject to government regulation.  You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from country to country. Reading the remainder of this blog including this disclaimer is not recommended for children.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.  Also do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. 

Bad Sex Move #10 - The Pen Pal

Everyone's familiar with talking dirty in the bedroom..."Wow, your thighs look really different from this angle!"  But why not write dirty in the bedroom? Next time you're enjoying an experience with your significant other in the bedroom why not grab from the nightstand a pen & paper rather than your favorite accessory and start writing words that express how your feeling?  Such as "Hmmm...would you mind going faster", "can we try that again?" or "Wow, your thighs look really different from this angle!".

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Three's Company! and Bad Sex Tip #11

Next Swims: Mon-Fri Sept 21-25, 6AM

Last Swims: Sunday September 20th, noon
Water Temp: 57
Waves: minor but annoying chop out of the south
Water Clarity: cloudy
Crew: Panini, Crash, Nanook, NorthShoreNancy, NorthShoreMark, Showgirl, Forger, Kahuna, Captain, Diablo, Itch, Gumdrop, Adam

Wetsuit/Skin: 8.5/4.5

Pitsch count: 11 

Diablo swam at 10am. Late-arriving Adam swam at 1-ish.  No pitsch for them. 

There's a rumor among the crew that Gumdrop, Panini, and Crash are going to combine forces and get a place together, thus becoming a 2015 version of the beloved (?) sitcom "Three's Company." (circa 1977-1984 for those of you who are age- or culturally-challenged by this reference).  However.... didn't Jack have to adopt a gay lifestyle? And which of our lovely brunettes would get the blond hair, breast implants, and later invent an even better version of the thigh-master?  There are SO many un-answered questions here.  I can't wait to see the drama (comedy? tragedy?) unfold, undoubtedly with large, unbridled amounts of absquatulation.

And now, for Bad Sex Tip #11.  Please see Captain's legally binding disclaimer from yesterday, and tell the children to go to another room.  Furthermore, Bad Sex Tip #11 is in NO WAY related to the above paragraph.  However, one or more BSTs is highly likely to emerge from that mash-up, so stay tuned for further updates.  Anyway!  Our story today was brought to us by Forger.  He recounted a long-ago, pre-marriage, story where he and a friend were driving home after bartime, having sadly struck out with the ladies.  As they waited in a long line of cars for a train to pass, they saw an attractive young woman get out of the car in front of them, and proceed  the front of her car.  Being a helpful young man, Forger assumed she was having car trouble. When he failed to see the hood of her car go up, he jumped out to assist. He also hoped that if he managed to assist this young woman, she might show her gratitude with more than words.  When his helpful self arrived at the front of her car, he found her emptying her bladder.  She made it VERY clear that she did not need his help, and there would be no expressions of gratitude for him that night.  I'm not exactly sure how you can use this tip to enhance your own sex life, but give it some thought while munching on a handful of potato chips.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

By Popular Demand? ...Top 12 Worst Sex Moves....#12

Next Swims:
   Sunday September 20th @ noon
   Monday September 21st @ 6am

Last Swim:
   Saturday September 19th @ noon
      Water Temp: 55
      Air Temp:  68 & Sunny
      Waves:  Occasional 3-5ft
      Clarity:  Sand filled near shore / Clear 100m Offshore
      Crew:  Kahuna, Gumdrop, Itch, Mr. Anonymous, Mark, Brian, Capt'n with guest appearances by Diablo, Showgirl, Crash, Panini, Scott
      Skin / Suit:  1.5 / 4.5
      Pitsch Count:  12  (indeed...we did TWO rounds!)

Brilliant sunshine, the cloudless sky, the comfortable air temp, a distinct two-tone tan/turquoise seascape that marked a sharp contrast between crystal clear water and sand saturated water, the changing tree colors and the frequent big thunderous waves pounding the Klode rock piles....all fantastic topics of conversation for the Klode Kru to engage in and of course to write about.  Instead tho...a different topic dominated the majority of discussion today.

Of course there were the formalities such as what the water temp would be, which direction we should swim and of course Showgirl's fashion show extraordinaire....but by far the topic dominating today's Kru conversation started in the comments of yesterday's blog post.  What exactly are the "12 worst sex moves"?  Coincidentally, there are 12 more swim days left in about we offer up one of the 12 worst sex moves in each of the blog entries for the remainder of the month?

Before we embark upon this goal I feel the need to first post an important disclaimer...

IMPORTANT: The remainder of this blog entry may contain information that was initially disclosed confidentially and may therefore be unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. Any dissemination, distribution or copying of this blog entry is not advised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this blog entry, although the chipmunk living in my garage may soon find itself evicted.. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft: However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have stumbled across this blog entry in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing

Top 12 Worst Sex Moves #12: The Pacman

Does anyone remember this one?  Founded in the 80's this move was gender neutral although some argue that it cast Ms. Pacman in a whole new and somewhat unfavorable light as for just 25 cents one could watch her swallow balls until she died.  While this move may have been the rage in the 80's today it does little more than shamefully advertise how old you may be and how outdated your moves have become.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Above or below the belt?

Next Swims: Saturday, Sept 19, 12noon

Sunday TBD, feel free to suggest a time in the comments
Last Swims: Friday September 18th 6AM
Water Temp: 50.3
Waves: small chop
Water Clarity: cloudy
Crew: Captain, Diablo, Itch, Mark, Showgirl, Panini
Wetsuit/Skin: 0/2

An important bit of clarification from yesterday:  I forgot to give Kahuna 100% of the credit for his brilliant "Too Multch-uous" blog title.  He is a master of puns.

Today the swim streak was saved once again by Diablo and my betrothed, Itch, who bravely swam skin north into the fog.  And lived to tell about it.

Our subject line today relates to Mark's extra kind remark regarding my new swim backpack.  The chest strap rides a little to low for comfort, right across the girls.  Mark suggested that the problem might not be the strap, but the chest.  Specifically the AGE of the chest.  <sigh>  I fear he is right.

Hair and Makeup Report:  A lively discussion was had regarding Ted's extra-short 'do (it's great!) and it was also decided that too much makeup is........ too much.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Too Multch-uous Morning

Next Swims: Fri, Sept 17 6AM

Last Swims: Thursday September 17th 6AM
Water Temp: 55
Waves: One foot rollers out of the south, less than yesterday
Water Clarity: cloudy
Crew: Forger, Kahuna, Captain, Diablo, Itch, Mark, Mr. Anonomous, Showgirl
Ground Support: Crash

Wetsuit/Skin: 5/2.5

Our host, the village of WFB, has seen fit to place an enormous pile of wood-chippy mulch in Klode Park's parking lot, so we had to park streetside and make the grueling walk to the lot.

Fashion updates:

Diablo thrilled us all with his lime-green tshirt and coordinating green-trim swim trunks.

Mark looked delightful and fuzzy in his apres-swim fleece.

Mr. Anonomous was divine in his apres-swim skirt. Er, towel.

Kahuna's lovely knickers qualified him for the .5 in the skin-swim category.

The rest of the crew looked stunning as always, in basic black.

Can't wait to see who will dazzle us with their fashion brilliance tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

The South Will Rise....

Next Swims: Thu, Fri, Sept 17, 18, 6AM

Last Swims: Wednesday September 16th 6AM
Water Temp: 57
Waves: One foot rollers out of the south
Water Clarity: cloudy
Crew: Panini, Super Hera, Showgirl, Forger, Kahuna, Captain, Diablo, Itch

Wetsuit/Skin: 6/2

The sunrise was gorgeous, and the lake was welcoming--  it was another amazing morning at the beach.

After vehemently asserting his desire to swim SOUTH into the waves, Itch led us north, followed obediently by the rest of the crew. Some rode the waves as far as mudslide, and then slogged back to the beach against them.

The Patriarch will be on vacation thru next week I am occasionally guest blogging in his absence, so please lower your expectations and expand your practice of forgiveness.  Kahuna begged me to include plenty of fashion and make-up tips-- I'll see what I can do.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Just Another Chore

Next Swims: Wed, Thu, Fri, Sept 16, 17, 18, 6AM every morning

Last Swims: Tuesday September 15th 6AM
Water Temp: 59
Waves: One foot rollers
Water Clarity: Not much
Crew: Scarface, Diablo, Capt'n, Showgirl, Mark, McTwist, Brian, Panini, Kahuna, Forger, Patriarch
Spectator: Crash
Wetsuit/Skin: 8/3

Monday Sept 14th 6PM
Water Temp: 61
Waves:  Heavy chop on top of 2-3 footers, tough swimming
Water Clarity: None
Swimmers: Mark, Patriarch
Spectators:  On Shore Nancy (of course!), Diablo, Capt'n, Mr. and Mrs. Anonymous and their dog
Wetsuit/Skin: 2/0
Pitsch: 6

Many years ago Matriarch's diminutive demure sweet kindly old grandmother (God rest) shocked us by describing sex as "just another chore at the end of the day".  It would have been interesting to hear grandpa's take on it, but he was long gone by then.

But I think I know how he might have felt.  The other morning Showgirl borrowed grandma's phrase by described zipping me into my wetsuit as "just another chore at the beginning of the day".  Now of course for a dorky old man like me having an attractive younger woman zip my neoprene is one of the highlights of my day.  But just a chore for her.  Sigh!

It just goes to show how clueless we men are at understanding the motivations of women.  Come to think of it, it also explains our relationship to Lake Michigan.  We love her (it's a she of course) and we think she's beautiful and we imagine she loves us back.  But deep in our heart of hearts we know she doesn't give a damn about us, we could be just another dead fish to toss around on the waves and spit up on the shore.  And the really weird thing is, it doesn't matter, we're hopelessly drawn to her anyway.

Matriarch and I will be in Nashville the next ten days, trying to keep up with our five year old granddaughter.  While I'm gone Capt'n will assume blogging duties along with a new blogger: Showgirl.  I expect we will be enriched and informed by the feminine point of view.  Or maybe the mystery will deepen even further.

Monday, September 14, 2015

Sunrise Swim

Next Swims:  Tue-Fri, September 15th - 18th, 6AM every morning

Last Swim: Monday September 14th 6AM
Water Temp: 58
Waves: Small Rollers
Water Clarity: Excellent
Crew: Diablo, Itch, Showgirl, Super Hera, Mr. Anonymous, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 4/2

It ain't over yet.  The water has warmed up cleared up and calmed down.  And since the sun is coming up later these days, we had the great pleasure of experiencing sunrise while in the water.  An especially great swim.  Hopefully we'll have a few more this season.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

No Pitsch for You Means More Pitsch for Us

Next  Swims: Mon - Fri, Sept 14-18, 6AM every morning

Last Swims:
Sunday Sept 13, 10AM
Water Temp: 56
Waves: Calm
Water Clarity: Murky, all stirred from Friday's and Saturday's big winds
Crew: Itch, Showgirl, Gumdrop, Mr. Anonymous, Patriarch
Mark and North Shore Nancy swam earlier and Diablo later
Wetsuit/Skin: 6/2
Pitsch: 7

Saturday Sept 14, 9AM
Water Temp: 53
Waves: 2-3 feet very choppy with strong southerly current
Water Clarity: Murky
Crew: Diablo (he single handedly keeps the streak going once again!)
Wetsuit/Skin: 0/1

We arrived at the beach this morning to find this message in the sand:

It reads: "North Shore Nancy + Mark swam this a.m. NO PITSCH!"
Well guys, you'll be happy to know your Pitschless swim did not go in vain, we had a Pitsch for ourselves and another for you.  Thanks for making that possible.

I was shocked to learn that for the first time in 25 years, Big Shoulders was cancelled.  It sounds like most people were relieved, but Itch was enraged.  He's blames the organizers and the whole state of Illinois which he seems to believe is a fetid swamp inhabited by yellow bellied cowards.  That's the pirate spirit, Itch!  The Packers should have no problem dispatching that lot.  

I've done Big Shoulders seven times, at least twice in very rough conditions so it must have been really snarky for them to cancel. If anyone has an email or anything explaining their decision please forward it to me, I'm really curious.

The good news is that the swim season is not over yet!  The Atwater buoy made it to 60 this afternoon and the trend is up.  Come out and swim while you still can.  

Friday, September 11, 2015

Good Luck to All Big Shoulders and Ironman Competitors

Next Swims:  Saturday and Sunday Sept 12th and 13th, 10AM both days

Last Swims:
Friday Sept 11 6AM
Water Temp: 50
Waves:  Very Choppy
Water Clarity: Good
Crew:  Diablo
Wetsuit/Skin:  0/1

Thursday Sept 10th 6PM
Water Temp: 53
Waves:  Calm
Water Clarity: Excellent
Crew:  Mark, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 2/0

If the forecast is right it will be cold and rainy with rough water at Ohio Street beach Saturday morning.  All the ingredients for some tall tales of swimming adventure derring do.  I can't wait to hear them.  To be honest I'm not entirely unhappy that I got shut out on signing up for Big Shoulders this year.  On the other hand, those that complete the swim under such difficult conditions will have sea yarns to spin for many years.  Good luck!

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Amazing Mighty Mac Swim Story

Next Swim:  Friday Sept 11th 6AM
Saturday and Sunday Sept 12th and 13th, 10AM both days

Last swims:  Wed and Thu Sept 9th and 10th, 6AM
Water Temp: 49 Wed, 50 Thu
Waves: Small
Water Clarity: Excellent
Wed Crew: Diablo, Itch, Gumdrop, Super Hera, Showgirl
Thu Crew: Itch, Diablo
Wetsuit/Skin: 3/4

Before I get to the amazing swim story, I have to apologize to Diablo, he pointed out that the "swim streak" counter had to be wrong.  I went back and checked.  The correct count is 80, not 70.  I blame my lack of Common Core math skills.  Anyhow, September 30th is the magic day when the streak will reach 100.  If we get there we'll have some sort of celebration for sure.

Now, here's another amazing story of an incredible Great Lake swim.  On Labor Day Steve Wolfe participated in the Mighty Mac swim across the Mackinaw Straight, parallel to the Mackinaw Bridge.  The straight is notorious for waves and currents. Here is his report.

On the night before, we met with other swimmers at the pasta dinner. The weather forecast was not looking great.  A storm system was tracking to hit just about the time the swim was going to start. Fortunately, the storm hit a little sooner than anticipated and it left calm air (and water) in its wake.  Everyone got a late start leaving the marina around 7 and not entering the water until about 8 am.
The swim itself was every bit as challenging as I had expected.  We swam along the east side of the bridge north to south.  Things started off calmly.  Water was 65 degrees and very minimal waves.  About an hour into the swim, the winds picked (12-15 mph) up and the calm gentle rollers turned into 3-4 foot waves.  In addition, the west to east current was stronger than anyone had anticipated.  Most teams were blown off course a bit.  The last 3-4 teams (including myself) landed far east of our intended landing spot.  The boat’s GPS claims we swam 8.5 miles.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it was closer to 9-10.  In total, we were in the water for a total of 6.5 hours.  I'd guess the water temp was about 62 in the middle of the straits.

There were two surprises during the swim.  First, a huge freighter came through the straits while we were swimming.  Prompting us to hop on our boat, travel south, and then back north after it had passed.  Second, myself and several others became severely sea sick due to the waves.  There is actually a pretty good video of the event at the following link.

Also, I had a wonderful opportunity on Saturday (5th) to do a training swim on Mackinac Island.  It was perfect.  Water was 68 degrees, sandy beach, and 30-40 foot visibility.  It made me a little jealous after our August of 48 degree temps.


Tuesday, September 8, 2015


Next Swims: Wed, Thu, Fri, Sept 9th, 10th, 11th, 6AM all three days

Last swim: Tue Sept 8th 6AM
Water Temp: 55
Waves: Calm
Water Clarity: Good
Crew: Itch, Diablo, Patriarch, with Crash providing navigational assistance from shore
Wetsuit/Skin: 1/2

One of the gloomiest eeriest days I've ever seen.  When we arrived it was dense fog, strangely quiet, no breath of wind, dead calm water, not even the gentlest waves lapping at the shore;

Crash acted as our navigation beacon, keeping pace with us by walking on shore with her bright green tee-shirt.   Or maybe she was our green lantern on Daisy Buchanan's dock.  Or maybe she was our green mermaid on the side of our Starbuck's paper cup.  Or maybe she was the mysterious Green Knight and we swimming Sir Gawains.  Or maybe the cold water affected me more than I thought.

Anyhow, just as we finished swimming loud thunder and bright lightening filled the sky, and by the time we got back up to the parking lot it was raining cats and dogs.  Luckily for Diablo and Crash, Itch and I were able to give them rides home or they would have been some sorry drenched puppies.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Sultry Air, Frigid Water

Next Swims: Tue - Fri, Sept 8-11, 6AM

Last Swim: Labor Day Sept 7th 11AM
Water Temp: 49
Waves: Calm
Water Clarity: Excellent
Crew: Diablo, Nanook, Itch, Nivens McTwist, Kahuna, Panini, Electra, Gumdrop, Showgirl, Crash, Karen, Linda
Wetsuit/Skin: 10/2
Pitsch: 10

You would think that all this sultry weather would push the water temp needle up, at least a little bit.   But we're stuck in the forties and low fifties.  A couple days ago it got near 60 but then went right back down.  Meanwhile the lucky ducks on the Michigan side of the lake are enjoying seventies.  Damn!

But of course the few, the brave, and the crazy were not to be deterred.  And Diablo and Nanook didn't even wear wetsuits for their half-mile swim!

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Weak Minds, Strong Bodies

Next Swim:  Monday Labor Day Sept 7th 11AM

Last swims:
Sun Sept 6th
Water Temp: 53
Waves: calm when we started, building
Water Clarity: Excellent
Crew: Wild Style, Moe, Adam, Zoom Zoom, Diablo, Capt'n, Sketch, Panini, Showgirl, Scarface, Mr. Anonymous, Crash, Electra, Mark, North Shore Nancy, Brian, Itch, Mitchell, Gigi and friend, Patriarch
(I may have missed someone, there were lots of people and my mind was foggy from cold water).
Wetsuit/Skin: 18/3
Shots: 22 (some had two!)

Sat Sept 5th, 11AM
Water Temp: 59
Waves:  Small and rolling
Water Clarity: Excellent
Crew: Crash, Mark, Andy, Gumdrop, Panini, Don Diego, Michelle, Itch, Kahuna, Showgirl, Capt'n, Mr. Anonymous, Electra, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 6/8
Balls: 8 (all Diablo's)
Shots: 12

Fri Sept 4th, 6PM
Water Temp: 57
Waves: Calm
Water Clarity: Excellent
Crew: Diablo, Itch, Mr. Anonymous, Showgirl, Crash, Capt'n, Kahuna, Gumdrop, Mark, North Shore Nancy, Panini, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 9/3

Today's blog title is courtesy of Adam, who told me he was of weak mind but strong body.  It is an apt description of our whole group.

Friday, September 4, 2015

Weekend Plans

Weekend Swim Plans:
Friday Sept 4th 6PM, going out for food and refreshments afterwards at Three Lions or some other pub
Sat Sept 5th, 11AM
Sun Sept 6th 11AM
Labor Day 11AM

3PM Friday Update:  The Atwater buoy is back online and recording rapidly rising water temps.  Currently 60!  Skin Swim or Bust at 6PM.  Are you with me?

Last Swim:  Fri Sept 4th 6AM
Water Temp: 52
Waves:  Small Rollers
Water Clarity: Excellent
Crew: Showgirl, Super Hera, Itch, Diablo, Pat, Forger, Kahuna, Capt'n, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 7/2

It looks like a hot humid weekend.  No better place to cool your heels than the beach.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

North Shore Nancy is Back

Next Swims:  Friday Aug 4th, 6AM & 6PM
Showgirl hinted that she was buying beers for everyone after the 6PM swim.
Or at least I'm pretty sure that's what she meant even if that's not exactly what she said.
So, Showgirl, where're we going?

Last swims: Thu Aug 3rd, 6AM & 6PM
Water Temp: 53 at 6AM, 56 at 6PM
Waves: Calm
Water Clarity: Excellent
6AM Crew: Dave, Mr. Anonymous, Forger, Kahuna, Crash, Diablo, Showgirl, Patriarch
6PM Crew:  Mitch, Mark, Nancy North Shore, 2-Ply, Itch, Gumdrop, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 14/2
Pitsch: 5

Onshore Nancy boxed herself into a corner by promising to swim if the water temp was at least 55.   This created an ethical dilemma for me.  What if thermometer read 54 or 53, would I lie to her and say it was 55?  You bet I would!  There is no honor or honesty among pirates.  But luckily I didn't have to lie, it read 56 (really!).  Anyhow she kept her promise and now she's no longer Onshore Nancy. North Shore Nancy is back!

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

6AM & 6PM swims Thursday

Next Swims:  Thu Sept 3rd, 6AM & 6PM - Friday Sept 4th 6AM

Last Swim:  Wed Sept 2nd, 6AM
Water Temp: 50
Waves: Calm
Water Clarity:  Good
Crew: Itch, Nanook, Diablo, Fred, Pat, Showgirl, Brendan, Nivens McTwist
Wetsuit/Skin: 5/3

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Missing Swimmer!

Next Swims:  Wed, Thu, Fri, Sep 2nd, 3rd and 4th, 6AM each day

Last Swims: Mon & Tue Aug 31st and Sept 1st
Water Temp:  Mon 51, Tue 53
Waves: Calm
Water Clarity: Good
Mon Crew: Diablo, Mr. Anonymous, Mark, Showgirl, Super Hera, Capt'n, Patriarch
Tue Crew: Forger, Showgirl, Itch, Diablo, Patriarch
Wetsuit/Skin: 9/3

Have you seen this man?  Kahuna, aka Sandie, aka Pendlepuss, also answers to "Shithead" and "Hey Asshole".  Last seen swimming east after muttering "there just has to be some warm water out there somewhere".  Age:  Younger than he looks.  Hair:  Disheveled.  Eyes: Bloodshot.  If encountered approach with caution. Probably incoherent. Possibly dangerous.  Certainly high.  If found, return to Squeezakahuna (but don't call her that).  Reward: One free swim with Patriarch (retail value $100)