Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Swim With Patriarch! Only $100!!

Next Swims:  Thursday and Friday 7/25 & 7/26, 6AM both days

Last Swims:  Wed 7/24 6AM
Water Temp: 62
Waves:  1-3 ft rollers spaced 7 sec apart
Water Clarity: Poor
Crew:  Bubba, Cap'n, Patriarch

You asked for it!  You demanded it!  Now here it is:  Swim With Patriarch.  Yes, for only $100 (plus taxes, service charges and extras) you can have the ultimate Cream City Caribbean Coast Adventure:

- Swim with the legendary Patriarch past historic and scenic landmarks like Garage, Sewer Pipe, Staircase, Flat Rock and more!  View underwater marvels such as Treasure Chest, Cannon and Shipwreck (Shipwreck extra).  Patriarch will regale you with endlessly entertaining stories and lake lore.  Meet the colorful local denizens and join them in their primitive rituals (rituals extra).

- Be completely safe as Patriarch protects you from the many aquatic dangers:  sharks, jelly fish, man eating Asian Carp, rip tides, tsunamis, e coli and floating turds.

- Patriarch will guide you on the appropriate procedures for paying ransoms to marauding pirates and brigands.  And ladies, if an exciting encounter with swashbuckling pirate is what you want Patriarch can arrange that too! (For an extra charge.)

- End your adventure with a toast of Killepitsch from the Patriarch.  (Multiple shots extra).  Pictures of your adventure will be offered (for an extra charge).  

- Patriarch merchandise such as signed posters, foot washers, swim caps, orange safety floats available for purchase.

Hurry!  Reservations limited!  Filling fast!      




Gumdrop said...

For just a $100 more, one can have the Gumdrop package-wrapped in the speedo of your choice! :-)

crash said...

I think there are plenty who would pay $100 for you to put MORE ON than a speedo!
Any other girls want to contribute to this fund? Would this be charity? It would be great to write this off on taxes.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

And it has to be more than just adding a tie!

Gumdrop said...

For you Wonder Woman, I have a wide variety of capes to choose from. I have neon colors, thin and thick ones, as well as studded ones! If you act quickly I may even have an edible one left :-). All (one at a time now)at disposal for whatever your pleasure may be. Checks to be made payable prior to swim.