The Unofficial official start to the Klode Kru Swim Season

Captn's Log - Saturday May 27th - high noon

Water Temp: 57 (Itch-o-meter)

Air: Bright Sunshine, low 70's with calm winds

Waves:  Flat

Clarity: Cloudy but not stirred visibility less than 1ft

Kru: Diablo, Kahuna, Moondawg-Gumdrop, Dragonfly, Handyman Hank, Princess Mermaid, Itch, Rosy, Sandy, Brick, Capt'n with shore support from Nathan

Next Swim: Sunday May 28th - Noon / Memorial Day - Noon

Once upon a time ago Memorial Day weekend would mark the official start to the Klode Kru swim season.  Complete with an official proclamation by none other than THE Patriarch himself.  If you dared to swim during the forbidden swim season (i.e. the period of time between The Patriarch's official end-o-season proclamation and the start-o-season proclamation) you risked having to endure a heinous new nick name like Dewdrip, Hook or Diablo during the forbidden swim season.  If you follow the list of regular Kru mates in this blog you'll likely notice that some of these names actually stuck! 

That was then.  Now, some of our dedicated Kru mates swim all year round.  An impressive feat for sure!  But in one of his more famous sermons The Patriarch proclaimed "That which does not have an end shall not have a beginning!" and that was that.  No more would we enjoy an official proclamation for the official start of the Klode Kru swim season.  Instead you've got this blog entry about what was then...before it became now....

Gobies! Gobies! Gobies!

 Time:  Friday, May 26 6:30 a.m.

Water:  52.3
Air: Sun, clear blue sky, almost calm, also 52
Waves: Restless disordered heave from ESE
Clarity: Less than zero
Kru:  Showgirl, Lydia the Tattooed Lady, Lt MJ, HFON, Sunny Luna Laguna, Hollywood, Dragonfly.  All wetsuit; Linda the Lamprey, skin.

Shore support:  Gobies!  We'll get into this.
Next swims:  12 noon Saturday, Sunday and Monday, Memorial Day

The norther we'd had since Wednesday had substantially subsided and the air was so fresh and calm when I stepped outside this morning.  But the water viewed from the Hoan was not flat and smooth as I'd hoped. Instead it looked disturbingly unsettled.

Walking onto the beach, Lamprey and I were slightly behind the main group which suddenly emitted a collective sigh of dismay. Where we usually put our blankets at the high water line was a mass of dead fish. These were identified by TTL as Gobies.

 I  was not surprised to learn this was an invasive species, "Prohibited in Michigan" according to the internet, so, Lt MJ says, we got the castoffs? Present in Lake Michigan since the 90s, most likely carried over in ship holds from the Black and Caspian seas and such regions. Gobies are described as aggressive bastards that eat the eggs and young of other fish. Their one saving grace may be they also eat zebra mussels (maybe when there's no more perch?)

I also learned the Round Goby is a bottom-dweller (again, surprise?) that favors brackish water and we had that in abundance. It seemed like the norther dredged up all the putrescence from the bottom of the lake that had accumulated over the past decade or so, and cast it up on the beach.

An odor arose from this mess that made me want to retch just thinking about it in the middle of my swim. Imagine a Port-a-let left abandoned for a week or two in the sun, after Woodstock '99...

Getting into the water was questionable. It was an unsavory color, deep brown, with zero viz.  I and others elected to backstroke at least out of the cove; I also backstroked in at the end of my swim.  Others chose to walk in north of the rocks.  Visibility did not improve much as you went along. 800 yards and I still couldn't see my hand in front of my face.  The water felt cold, rough and unwelcoming, and I had such a sense of resistance, an I-don't-want-to-be-here, that I extended my swim by stopping frequently and just wishing it was over.  And yet, by the time I was done, I had almost started to adapt, in that I was less horrified by the conditions than at the start.

"Think of the people who swim in the East River," I consoled myself.  Lt MJ's aunt had done just that! She had gotten all the usual shots in preparation but still got infectious sores in her mouth, but "Nothing causing lasting damage," Lt MJ said reassuringly.

This was also a very birdy swim.  We have already seen how seagulls are attracted to corruption, and they like to discuss it at high volume.   HFON and Hollywood were eerily set upon by a large flock of seagulls somewhere North of Mudslide, like the Hitchcock movie, The Birds! said Hollywood. They wisely turned back, HFON said, not only because of the possibilities of being poop-bombed, but "What was there in the water, attracting all this interest?"

It was entirely reasonable for them to think they might be about to swim into something disgusting.... couple of corpses maybe, or just an amorphous glutinous mass, perhaps a decaying whale?

Gorgeous morning belies the brown mysteries...

Unmutated (so far) Klode Kru who survived the swim.  (Lamprey had already departed.)

This Juice is Worth the Squeeze*

  Time:  Tuesday, May 23 7 a.m.

Water:  53 on the south side of land bridge, 52-56 on north side depending on which thermometer
Air: Hazy sunshine, windless
Waves: Very slight push from SSE
Clarity: Clear(ish)
Kru:  Showgirl, Lydia the Tattooed Lady, Lt MJ, Sunny Luna Laguna, Hollywood, Dragonfly

Shore support:  None
Next swims:  Thurs-Fri?  12 noon Saturday and 12 noon Sunday

Weather hawks all, we descended greedily on today's swimming window; as 4-7foot waves are forecast for tomorrow. All in wetsuits, some sleeveless. 

Afterwards we kvetch about women's t shirts from athletic events, which typically are not sized to fit actual women. And when "women's fit" shirts are available, they run in absurdly miniscule size ranges.

"I don't want to swim for 2 hours to get a shirt that doesn't fit," groused TTL. 

"Yeah, is the juice worth the squeeze?" concurred Hollywood. 

We all found this phrase - which Hollywood insisted was the latest corporate buzz-speak - hilarious.

Manufacturers, merch hucksters and promoters take note:  The Universe is bigger than you ever imagined. Moreover, it is expanding. So please look around at your demographics, and make better choices.

Beach looking coyly photogenic as usual.  Missing:  Surf Captain

Today's swim IS worth the squeeze--nothing at stake but cold, clear(ish), quiet open water and good fellowship 

*Note: this blog was not written with ChatGPT

Smoke on the Water

 Time:  Friday, May 19 6:30 a.m.
Water:  50
Air: 61, windless
Waves: Slight swell
Clarity: Yuck
Kru:  Showgirl, Lydia the Tattooed Lady, Fyn, Dragonfly
Shore Support: Lt MJ
Next swims:  6:30 a.m. Saturday; also 12 noon Saturday and 12 noon Sunday

Beating the forecast once again, the promised rain had all but ended by the time we arrived on the beach.  We mused on the colorless sky and effects of smoke in the atmosphere.  "Canada's on fire," noted TTL matter-of-factly.

Unprintable banter broke out over the mis-heard phrase, "headless dip."  In beach parlance this simply means a dip without immersing one's head.  Everyone had to bring forth various other mutations of this phrase, which made us all laugh and released pre-swim tension.  

The land bridge was back, but it was too stinky to attempt a swim/run/swim.  Lt MJ braved the stench and dead birds to capture these images:

The Fleek Four...

...morph into the Terrible Twos

Fyn and Dragonfly made brief skin swims of 300 and 200 yards respectively.  Showgirl and TTL, in wetsuits, proceeded to the snowy wastes of Mt. Jackass and beyond.  On the return, a wall of smoke (fog IRL) loomed behind them like a movie effect - they appeared to be swimming for their lives as it chased them.

It looked pretty dramatic for a few moments.  But it was too far away to video and then the fog dispersed.  

We were joined at post-swim coffee by HFON and Mermaid Princess.  Apropos of earlier discussion, it was  proposed to change the location in the blog from Klode Beach to "Dollar Store."  The motion was not seconded.

Finally the sun emerges as we are well up the hill.  Photo by TTL, the Master

Apocalyptic Sky; Peer Pressure

 Time:  Thursday, May 18 6:00 a.m.

Water:  49

Air: 50ish
Waves: Slight swell
Clarity: Murky mucky stinky tan water
Early shift (skin): Linda the Lamprey, Mr. Anonymous
6 a.m. Wetsuit Kru: Showgirl, Lydia the Tattooed Lady, Dragonfly

Shore Support: Seagulls

Next swims:  12 noon Saturday and Sunday;  tomorrow (Friday) 6:30 a.m.; M-F at 6 or 7 a.m.; weather depending.

For several of us it was the first 6 a.m. swim of the season.  The early sunrise times (5:27 a.m. today) no longer justified the kind of lazy late 7 a.m. start we had been fooling around with.  

It wasn't so much a sunrise today as it was the orange ball appearing like an apparition in a colorless sky, a sight TTL deeemed "Apocalyptic."  

Driving over the Hoan Bridge, I actively planned to just do a brief dip - it was too early and too cold. I prefer the air and water temps add up to at least 100, if not 110.   Announced my intention to TTL in the parking lot, and she looked so disappointed (yet supportive) that I lugged my wetsuit down to the beach, just in case, where I found myself putting it on as we watched Linda the Lamprey cavort at the end of her badass skin swim.  She emerged, not even shivering, to murmur a few words of encouragement.

"Apocalyptic" Sky

Though I started suiting up reluctantly (socks still wet from yesterday), I caught up to Showgirl and TTL and we stepped into the water together.

"See what peer pressure can do," I said.

"And we didn't even have to say anything!" TTL  noted.

We all swam to Birches, about a 1,000 yard round trip.  I was glad I had been talked into a swim, but took hours to warm back up.

Cave Woman Has Flash of Evolutionary Insight

 Time:  Friday, May 12 7:00 a.m.

Water:  54.1

Air: 56 according to car.  Cloudy and still.  Slight chill breeze on water.
Waves: Calm
Clarity: Brilliant
Wetsuit Kru:  Showgirl, Lt. MJ
Skin Kru: Fyn, Dragonfly

Shore Support: Flock of some kind of birds as I swam backstroke

Next swims:  12 noon Saturday and Sunday, weather permitting.  

Driving over the Hoan I watched a tugboat hauling a freighter toward a harbor berth, a strangely moving sight.  The little boat that could.

The sky was grey and the water absolutely still.  Quiet day, not much traffic.  Rain was forecast and showed on the radar. I wasn't going to swim in the rain, I promised myself.

But got to the beach and it wasn't raining.  Then I had to decide, skin or suit.  As I was getting ready my thumbnail split, creating a sharp broken edge, the kind that could rip right through neoprene.

"Anybody got a nail file?" I asked.  You never  know.

"Oh, sure," they laughed.

Then in a moment right out of Space Odyssey 2001 where the proto-human suddenly pictures using a bone as a hunting weapon, I had a similar flash of insight.  What is a nail file after all?  Something hard with a rough surface - I picked up a rock - the nearest rock, in fact, and applied it to my nail.  It worked perfectly.  In a few moments I had a smooth thumbnail.  (Later I googled, What are emery boards made of - the answer?  SAND!!)

"You're like a Cave Woman," MJ observed.

Now that my nail was ok, did this morally obligate me to put on my wetsuit?  My interior Google spit out an emphatic "No."  So I skinned into the delightfully quiet, clear water...warmer away from the rocks.  Passed Sewer Pipe and the False Garage (which I also think of as The Stove) for my longest swim North yet this season. Showgirl and Fyn went to Garage and Lt. MJ to Mudslide.

                           "Hurry up and get a group picture we need coffee"--Lt. MJ

Deer Support: Wim Hoofers

 Time:  Friday, May 5, 7:00 a.m.

Water:  46.7

Air: 51 according to my car.  Cloudy.
Waves: Chop out of the South, some bumpiness
Clarity: Less than zero
Wetsuit Kru:  Lydia the Tattooed Lady
Skin Kru: Fyn, Laguna Mike, Showgirl, Dragonfly

Shore Support, Kru:  Sunny Luna Laguna, Lt MJ

Shore Support, Other:  (in order of appearance):  Ducks, Gulls, Deer, Wim Hofer

Next swim:  12 noon Saturday and Sunday, weather permitting.  Sunday looks especially promising.

Arriving a little early, I walked down the path and watched a flock of seagulls fly down to and land on "our" beach.  Some enthusiastic ducks were already present; clearly there was something good in the water.  A ripe smell to the air suggested we might best launch from a different spot.  Fortunately the rest of the Kru concurred and we set up just north of the North barrier.  We noted that waves were now breaking over both the former land bridges to the rock piles.

Photo:  Fyn, Dragonfly and Mermaid Princess setting up while Sunny Luna and Laguna Mike head down to join us.

Laguna Mike plunged in first and set off to the South, sending all of the gulls into the air.  Fortunately they settled back on the south beach where they were.  TTL also headed south but around the rocks and further out to sea.  

Fyn was crowned Coldwater Queen for the day, completing more than 500 yards skin with a total immersion time of about 10 minutes.

The deer were not in the forecast.  Three appeared on the shore near The Birches and, pausing to drink from the Lake, proceeded toward us, pausing at Sewer Pipe, at which point they appeared to notice us.  We studied them and they studied us.  Quick on the uptake as always  TTL captured them in pixels.

I had never seen deer before in 6+ years of Klode Kru-ing.

"That's some unusual shore support!" commented Fyn.

"Wim Hoofers," quipped Showgirl.

I glanced away for a second and in that instant they bounded away up the bluff, white tails flashing.